I Want To Lay Benieth The Sky In Pool Of ~WaRm Thoughs~

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 23:36:35 GMT

When you think about life and how much work it really is it makes you kinda sick...... the years ddays minutes seconds....... it all counts and once something happens it can't be takin back....

I know what i want...... but it'll never happen.... im scared, scared for today... and scared for tomorrow.....

its hard.... you wanna just be left alone but at the same time you want someone there around to balance you.....

the two things that hurt the most.... Love and being Lost.....

im so in love and so lost that i don't know whats going on....

i feel as if i should just disapear....

its not like anyone would notice or care..

I Think Its Just Dumb....

Fri, 15 May 2009 05:12:30 GMT

i think its totally fucking stupid thit after the way you treated me i still ove you the same..... I FUCKING CAN NOT STAND IT ANYMORE! ITS COMPLETE BULLSHIT! AND THE ONLY REASON WHY I FUCKING THINK THAT IS BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOVE ME AND I LOVE YOU!

I TRIED MOVING OUT OF STATE WITH SOMEONE ELSE..... DIDN'T WORK

THE ONLY THING I AM REALLY GREATFUL FOR IT THE FACT THAT I HAVEN'T SLEPT WITH ANYONE.... why is it thit that is the solution for everything to everyone.... thats just DUMB! how the fuck is fucking something with no feeling make you feel better that is just the stupidest thing that i have ever hurd in my life...... im always saying to myself... well god i wish i could be that person and just go get a new boyfriend or what ever what ever.... now that i think about it.... im glad im not like that... i know the difference between reality and just plain FAKE!

WAKE UP YOU DUMB ASSES! TOTALLY NOT A WAY TO MAKE ONES SELF FEEL BETTER!

you know..... i would give anything.... anything... to just have whats in my heart and mind erased....... ANYTHING!....... i just want it to leave me.... because it'll never be again..... i have fucked up so bad that theres nothing left to fuck up.....

wow.... life... so fun.....

right?.......

MAX

I Miss You So

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 06:24:17 GMT

I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
I opened your door without ringing the bell
I walked down the hall
Into your room
Where I could smell you
And I shouldn't be here, without permission
I shouldn't be here

Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon

I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
I went through your drawers
And found your cologne
Went down to the den
Found your CD's
And I played your Joni
And I shouldn't stay long, you might be home soon
I shouldn't stay long

Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon

I burned your incense
I ran a bath
I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said "Hello love, I love you so love, meet me at midnight"
And no, it wasn't my writing
I'd better go soon
It wasn't my writing

So forgive me love
If I cry in your shower
So forgive me love
For the salt in your bed
So forgive me love
If I cry all afternoon

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 20:42:04 GMT

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be allright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be allright
And know everything is allright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be allright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be allright

And know everything is allright
Everything is allright

Everything is allright

Honesty...

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 09:25:33 GMT

all I want from you is to be straight forward with me.... TELL ME WHERE I STAND!

WHY ARE YOU SO ASHAMED OF ME! I LOVE YOU! PLEASE JUST LET ME IN!

....... im so lost..... why did you put me through that!

I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU! I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANTED I LOVED YOU I TOOK CARE OF YOU..... AND YOUR ASHAMED TO PUT ME INFRONT OF YOUR PARENTS.... OR ANYONE ELSE......

BABE THIS AND BABE THAT....

WELL BABE THIS BITCH!...............

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

max

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 17:06:56 GMT

what is it gunna take for you to see that im not gunna hurt you again. just love me.... everyon knows you you they can see it and so can i. your problem is is that you want to do what ever you want when you want and not have anyone say anything different and if you have a girlfriend then you think that will happen. AND NO IT FUCKING NOT! JUST DON'T LIE TO ME TELL ME THE TRUTH. YOU WANT TO GO HANG OUT TELL ME AND GO! ITS WHAT EVER!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WENT AND FUCKED SOME GIRL YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW! ITS LIKE HARLY SAID WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT WHEN IM RIGHT THERE YOU CAN JUST GET ME TO DO IT.
THAT WAS SO STUPID AND FUCKED UP!

what ever one day when im not there your gunna wish i was because your life, stupid little girl friend, WHAT EVER IT IS isn't going right YOUR GUNNA WISH THAT I WAS THERE TO LOVE AND TAKE CARE OF YOU!

well since i don't think you read these anyways... I think its safe for me to write...

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 00:12:23 GMT

Ok so all I can think about is being with you... when in reality thats really selfish of me... and heres why. There are so many different things that have to be worked on before we can actually be TOGETHER something thats real and finally... REAL. I've been talking to myself about it lately and there was always one or two things that held us back from being PERFECT for eachother. First of all.. ME. I have descovered myself and I am changing and Im gunna keep working on it... even you have said a few things about me that bug you alittle and your right about it and it needs to change. I need to grow up and thats what im doing. Ive always been so fucked up with you and i could kill myself a hundred times over for that. GOD IM SO FUCKED UP FOR THAT. I can't even put the words to it thats how fucked up that shit was. and i am so very fucking sorry TRUST ME :'[ Secondly.. your/our family. you have always been so family oriented and that is AWSOME and i like your family ALOT you guys are great, and very positive. all of us got started off on the wrong foot and I am ashamed for that. I like your cocky ass dad and his funny personality and your smart mouthed sister and her totally GREAT KIDS and her hella funny husband. I like your little sister ALOT, shes got great potential to be anything she wants. and your mom.... I like her because shes full of wisdom. I also like her because shes STRONG shes like a peace of leather... i don't know if you know what im talking about when i say that but :shrugs: oh well haha. I want to sit and tell them all of this... tell them that im sorry for hurting them and hurting you. as for my family... My family has figured out that i am happy with you and they have realized that your not actually a bad person... they've found out that we all got started out wrong and that everyone deserves a second chance and Im so happy for that It took them long enough but it doesn't matter how long I had to wait for it because they figured it out. yeah i wish it could have gone differently but who doesn't wish that you know.... Im so glad that my family APOLAGIZED to me OMG they said that their SORRY I about shit my pants man.... but I was happy, it was like this hudge weight had been lifted from me. i cant sit here and say that everything is going to be ok or if it'll ever work out. I want you to see that i am going to do anything and everything to make sure I show you that i am dedicated to you because I AM! if i have to go to this family couseling myself.. BEST BELIEVE IM GOING TO DO IT. would any other girl do this much for you... for your family for US?.... idk and i can't say yes or no but I hope that one day your eyes will open and you'll realize that Im a REAL GIRL IM REAL TYLER.... Im getting older and so are you and Im realizing that i acted like a DAMNED FOOL im edmiting it I ACTED LIKE A DAMN FOOL! and im sorry. Im sorry to everyone I feel real stupid and ashamed for everything... and thats why if i could i would look at your family in the eyes not the face the eyes and tell them that Im sorry for everything and i would honestly mean it to the fullest.... but ive already accepted thit that will probebly never happen..... and ive pretty much accepted that me and you will probebly never happen.... but I'm still gunna work my ass off for you and MYSELF untill I find that out. I want to take care of you tyler james... make you happier than you've ever been before give you a good home and cook for you sex you give you everything that have deserved for a long time Im so ashamed that i didn't do it before.... my mind was VERY cluttered but its not now its clearing because Im sitting down and talking to myself and listening to you and others around me... its not going to happen over night and it hasn't its taken some time but I'm working my way up there. I just really really really want to love you and everyone inbetween even if it takes months....

the energy bewteen us is so fucking... god theres no words for it and if we gave this a chance and everything with everyone really did work out in the end I think that we would be the two coolest fucking people on this earth really... and theres a few people that know us that say the same thing... me and you are PERFECT FOR EACHOTHER GOD DAMN IT! LET ME SHOW YOU!

well i gots to fold cloths and get ready for WORK so

PEACE UP
K-TOWN
MAX

P.s. DAMN IT! IM SORRY AND ASHAMED WORK WITH ME HERE!

how do you tell someone how you feel?....

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 05:50:47 GMT

OK... So heres the delema :sighs: ok...

I got what I wished for most recently.. however... I feel as if I got cheated out of the deal. How do I talk to this person about how I feel?.. The reason why I'm asking is because I don't want to be a bother... I don't want it to ruene anything or make it bad.

They are now in posetion of something that is mine... I want very much to just get it back and not communicate again... but on the other hand I don't want to take that in which is mine because maybe.. just "maybe" I really didn't get cheated out of this deal... however I won't really know if I did or not untill I get back what is mine and what is owed to me or unless I ask.... hmm.... I feel as tho I am at a loose =[

I can say that what happened, and as to why they have what is mine and i feel cheated, was most LiKeD... and LIKE ALOT! Now... I will tell this person that it can go down like that WHEN EVER =] HOWEVER... I don't want to be cheated out of what ever BaRgIn or DeAl that might have been set and as to which you have what is mine and i feel cheated.

hmm.... :sighs: ... :ponders: ...... well I do know this... that in the end I will have back what is mine, with or without being paid back, and in the end will choose so in which i want to do with the situation. SO! I guess all in all.... I have the power here so why am I worried to begin with?...

TY-
If you read these or what ever... the above goes to you.... as if you already haven't noticed.... I guess what I'm worried about the most is the fact that I really just came over to hang out and do hooka... not the other thing and in the end I didn't get ANYTHING... YOU DID! and thats why i feel cheeted. you got a free 10 and my last fucking bowl of seasha AND we "layed down" there are so many other different ways to go about getting some time to "lay down" and really I would like to get to hang out with you and just chill watch tv play games smoke eat what ever... do you understand....

well I gotta go

PEACE PEOPLE

I Just Want You To Know That.....

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 23:21:52 GMT

If you ever need anything let me be the first person that you call. Cloths, food, money, it doesn't matter what it is if I have it then you've got it.

I know that theres been alot in the past that has happened. Its been like the worlds LARGEST ROLLER COASTER. I don't want it all to effect whats between us... what {was} between us. I can't change the things that have happened and neither can you. I'm not asking for you to just let them go because I know that on both our ends thats not as easy as it sounds. And im not asking or begging for forgivness, or even saying im sorry over and over agian HOWEVER... i am asking for the chance to really really make things turn out right or at least ok. I'm doing the best I can with what I've right now and so are you. I can say that i am proud of the both of us. for sticking it out and keeping it up, and sticking with it. I have so much faith and trust in you ty. I may never give you the credit you deserve but i can say the credit that you deserve now... Tyler.. you are the most strongest, bravest person that i have ever met. You stand your ground when you need to and work hard at what you need to when you need to. nothing phases you, you are a ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS i do have to say ;] however that is what makes you you. I love you for all that your worth and all that your not but theres always more than not. So be proud of who your are and stand tall with your head held high and just keep on smilling and hoping for all that is good to come true.

I have said this PLENTY of times and everytime i say it meens just as much as the last.... (hear i go getting all teary eyed)....

Tyler James Tamburello.... from the moment i saw you my heart went in all different directions. I knew that i was ment to be with you for the rest of my life. I hadn't even gottin your name yet and I knew you were it. The chemistry and energy between us is so beautiful that i can't even put it into words. It might be difficult and hard at times but those are the times that make us stronger. I love you unconditionally.. do you know what that means... I'm sure you do your no dumb. Theres is nothing that you can say or do that would make me not love you, a little angry or sad yes but never not love you. I know I have herd the words most recently "i can't do it anymore" and "I don't want to be with you" please don't feel that way forever I NEVER NEVER NEVER want to hurt you again EVER and it pains me everyday that I have. I end it here and not with "I'm sorry" but with...

Good Day and Good Night My Love
Ashley
and hopefully still Babe
<3

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 06:43:27 GMT

I got to see your beautiful face tonight, even if it was just for as long as it took us to smoke the sigies. It was hard for me to look at you, it was mutual tho you couldn't really look at me either. All of this is really over whelming... first it was the job and not being the dishwasher (WoOt!) and then being able to see you even for just a minute(double WoOt!)... Im thankful for it all tho I wouldn't take any of it back. I love you so much and I'm glad to hear that your doing well... I hope that you feel somewhat the same... thats fine i guess if you don't.....

god i hope that everything comes out GREAT in the end. I would really love it if it ended with you in my life and the both of us so happy that we don't know what to do with our selvs haha... yes that would awsome
well after all of this i can't sleep so im off to take a sleeping pill and pass the fuck out..
good night tyler james i love you. YOU TO JARED!

And Its Still The Same

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 05:49:07 GMT

i will always love you no matter what... I unconditionally love you.... theres nothing that you could do or say that would make me not want to be with you.

I'm sorry that i love you... no... no I'm not... I'M GLAD THAT I LOVE YOU YOUR ARE MY EVERYTHING MY EVERYTHING AND I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I LOVE TYLER JAMES TAMBURELLO AND I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE HAS TO SAY ABOUT IT! theres so much that i feel but i just can't put it into words..... im sorry for what ive done and i'm sorry for what i HAVEN'T done. i can't change the past and neither can you so lets make a new... a new EVERYTHING!.....

but you don't want that......

im sorry ty......

good night
i love you

ashley

... oh well

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 23:18:36 GMT

well I have finally found out that i am in love.... but the love ive come to find isn't so mutual... or at least it doesn't seem.

:sighs: i cant feel anymore.... i love you.. i don't... i love you.... i don't
help me love you please.. i just wanna hold you in my arms and love you to sleep.....

i thought i could spill my heart here... but it seems the words have been held back.....

CHOKE!

MAX

untitled

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 01:21:43 GMT

I'm so lost..... I don't know anyhting anymore. should I stay with him or should I go the other way with it.

I've never felt so empty..... I thought I was starting to fall in love agian ........ i'm not sure where I stand now....

all I can do is cry....

i just want the pain to go away...........

i love you ty....

what was in is now coming out

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 19:57:06 GMT

I've always been alittle phycotic inside..... its all coming out now.... i think that if i don't learn to control it i'll wind up in the fuckin NUT HOUSE!

I'm tired of being jerked around as well its making everything WORSE! i think i'm done talking to people for a WHILE! its this whole jerking around business, it making me SICK literaly!

last night was the second most embaressing night that i have ever had!

FUCK YOU BOTH!

ALL OF YOU!

PISS OFF!

Just Breath

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 06:49:38 GMT

ok I just need to breath.... I feel as I have been holding my breath for EVER and yet I am breathing every second of everyday.....

I Now Know

I know you do not love,
but only shove what you really love.
You use,
only to cuse the one who loves you,
of a crime she did not commite.
I try,
and you just lie.
You have called me names,
in witch you use for your games.
I think its pretty lame,
and I am glad that I have not done the same.
You put me to shame,
and my heart is stuck with pain,
nothing will ever be the same.
I love you,
but for how much longer,
everyday I grow stronger.
I wish I could go,
but I am stuck below.
I am left with no glow
to show that I still flow.
good bye,
I hope you do not die.

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 22:24:21 GMT

There thi guy that I like... that I LOVE. and I don't know what I can do or say.... wait... there is nothing I can do or say.... to make things better.

saything that I am sorry over and over again just isn't cutting it. I would give my soul to go back to the day that I could have said yes. I'm not saying that anything that I might have done wrong or was considered wrong were right but I jut want a second chance to prove that I am WORTHY! BECAUSE I AM! I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I DID TO "tearing your heart" with what happened 5 months ago but I did it to prove to MYSELF thit thats NOT WHAT I WANTED its YOU that I wanted it has ALWAYS BEEN YOU THAT I WANTED!

how can people just expect people to jump out of something going for 2 years into something that is new and you have no clue AT ALL how its going to go... thats a little stingey don't you think? I think so

I will wait... I will wait and prove to you ......

just wait and see......

The Weirdness Inside

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 09:27:51 GMT

Ok so I can tell if I have been depressed lately or if its just my soul. I feel as if me and my soul are two separate beings, stuck inside of each other.... or is it out..... I'm lost with my self. I'm going through this phase where like..... when I do things I don't have a feeling on it I just do it cause that’s what I'm supposed to be doing like... when I go to work.... I don't really have a feeling like "oh I don't want to do this..." or something like that I just do it and I don't think about it and its weird and I just can't understand why my body does this to me. I feel as if my soul is blind and its never seen the world before and its trying to get out and I can't let it out cause I would need to die to do that..... I also think its cause I haven't painted for a while..... I don't know..... but I get paid tomorrow so I think that I am going to go and get me some paint and stuff so that I can start painting or SOMETHING! I also wonder how much my check will be cause I don't get but 1 day off a week so I had better have a good chunk of change on there OR ELSE.... I will cry haha.

But yeah. I also think that I have been feeling this way cause I finally moved out of Kyle’s house and into my own... only its not my own cause Tyler lives with me and I live with him so that makes it OUR place you know. Yeah... :shrugs: I am supposed to be saving money for school and I keep having to buy things that we need like FOOD, and a CAR, and stuff to wash our selves with and just stuff like that. I also have been having some WEIRD ASS dreams. Like a had a dream that the Indy and Grunge and emo were killing like the Goth and punk people.... so it wasn't like a your black your Mexican I'm white thing it was just who you were that got you killed and it was scary as HELL! I tried to tell Tyler but he didn't really seem to care. : shrugs : what ever.

I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately... not sure why but she's been on my mind... same with my aunty Sheila, I've been thinking about her a lot to. and I want my painting from my mom already cause with out them I am nothing... I think thit that might be my problem.... I haven't seen my art since I lived with my mom in Idaho and that was 6 months again.... I'M DEPREST! ='[ really I think that just might be the problem with me..... I haven't had the urge to paint or anything and I think its cause I feel empty and then emptiness is my paintings...... I tried painting some new ones but that didn't work...... hmm..... :shrugs: I haven't really don't any photography either and that really makes me mad.... but that’s just cause I have been wanting to take the photos outside and its been cold..... and I don't like the cold.... it makes me not want to do anything but sleep cause I know that my bed is always warm and waiting for me...... I do know one thing though.... when I get paid I am going straight to fucking Wal-Mart and get my film developed that I have had for like EVER! They need to be developed and I want to know what my pictures look like already.... I need to know if the camera can take pictures or not.... and I hope that these ones come out cause I took a roll of film in one time and there was nothing on it... and I was like WHAT THE FUCK! so I put the film in the camera a different way and now I need to see if it works and I think I will cry if the photos don't come out cause I took some really cool photos.

I also think my problem lately would be me missing my friends. I miss my Cynthia and I miss my Serena and I miss doing stupid shit with them all the time..... sometimes I cry when I think about it. I also miss Alexis but her parents don't like me.... they don't even know me! So they can suck my dick! I miss being with my girls..... I miss going to the mall with Serena and buying every pair of damned underwear that we saw HAHA..... :sniffles: I wish they would talk to me...... :cry’s:

I got my Warped Tour ticket! WoOt! Now I just have to talk my dad into letting Avery go with me HaHa YEAH GOOD LUCK WITH THAT HUH? But I am going to try even though I know what the out come is going to be. I also got a Hedgehog. Justin gave it to me. He's sick though cause he was never taken care of properly. So if he's not better by the end of next week I am taking him to the VET! His skin is peeling and is not supposed to be doing that so I think that he might have Parasites >_< FUCKING EWW MAN!

Well yeah I think that I have written enough here... plus I'm waiting for Ty to get back with my COOKIES! cause I have been wanting some REALLY BAD! AND I haven't taken a shower yet and I need to do that so yeah.... um... peace

WORK! My new job

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 19:30:58 GMT

so I got me a new job at the Sports Page in downtown kennewick. I got hired right off the bat. I was looking for a job so I was going to go and work for Josie who I worked for like YEARS ago and when I went to see her she said that she really didn't have anything for me but then one of her waters was like "hey if you go down to the Sports Page they'll probebly hire you on the spot" so I went down there and they gave me an interview for the next morning and I then the next day I started at 2! =]

I'm the dish washer but I also prep food and sometimes I have to go out front and help the waiters and stuff. I stand on my feet ALLLLL DAY! And it sucks! I haven't used alot of my muscles in like FOR EVER and man do I HURT! My butt hurts, my hands are SWOLLEN!, my feet hurt, but its all good though cause I'm making MONEY!!!!! WoOoOoOoT!

well I have to go and get me some work shirts for work so yeah

PEACE

Once Again!

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 22:34:27 GMT

Once again I am left waiting for something to came to late..... I FUCKING HATE BEING TOLD SOMETHING AND THEN IT NOT HAPPENING.... IT FUCKING ANNOYING SO...

NOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!

and you know who your are so STOP!

sometimes

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 22:49:44 GMT

Sometimes there comes a time when you just have to let go of that special someone, even though you just want to hold on tight....... for what ever reason it is that you have to let go you just keep on telling yourself that its not good enough... that the reason for letting go just is NOT good enough. I let go of the first and it wasn't easy because for so long I was telling myself that all the reasons for letting that person go was not good enough..... but then one day the second one walked right by me and as each day pasted showed me that all the reason that I had thought were wrong were actually RIGHT! It hurt HORRIBLY to know that I had to leave... to know that all I felt was right..... but as I started to leave the frist the second showed me no more than the first had.... so the list of all the reasons to leave the first was now dropped on the second. I hate being right when I feel so wrong..... it makes me feel stupid to be right and THAT is wrong! I'm not saying that I'm right all the time... but when I am I don't like it.... but that doesn't meen that I like it when I am wrong... but that doesn't meen that I HATE being wrong. I know that it takes a while before you find Mr. Right but..... I don't I can't wait till I DO! I hate waiting around and "being young" not to mention I'm going to college here in 5 months and theres probebly going to be someone there who is going to want to date or just go out and do stuff or WHAT EVER! Man... I don't want to..... I don't to deal with boys anymore.......

Another thing that has been on my mind... how am I going to pay for COLLEGE! I mean I applied for finacial Aid and stuff and I'm trying to get a job at Michels Crafts store (or how ever you spell it) My mom is a fucking ALCOHOLIC! That keeps WAISTING HER FUCKING MONEY! on ALCOHOL! so I won't be getting ANY HELP from HER. She was supposed to have already given SOME MONEY so that I could get started on stalking up on SCHOOL SUPPLIES! And then my dad as NO MONEY for god knows what reason... probebly becauase he had baught a new car with money that he didn't already have and then I guess he felt sorry for some friend of his cuase he didn't have a car so he sold him the new car that he had just baught for 6,000 dollars LESS than what he paid for itlike a MORRON! AND probebly been buying to many damned SIGARETS! So I called him yesterday to tell him how I felt about my mom not being able to give me money, sorta hinting that I would need help from him and says "well you have to remember I have 2 boys to take care of...." AS IF HE HAS EVER DONE ANYTHING FOR THOSE TWO BUT BUY GROSSERIES FOR THEM! He doens't buy them school supplies or school cloths.. he never even did any of that stuff for me... he is SO FULL OF HIMSELF that I can't stand it.... so HE'S not going to HELP me..... I am FREAKING OUT! I have been breaking out in hives... I haven't been able to breath right.... my hearts been quivering, my body has been sore, I've had HORRIBLE headaches... I just feel like I want to DIE! Its been just.... stressful. So I try calling my Aunt Sheila earlier today and no one answered. I want to talk to her about what I should do... I meen I am REALLY LOST... I don't want to have to call the school and tell them that I can't make it this year because I'm to FUCKING POOR to go.... I told them that I could do this... I told them that FOR SURE I would be attending the Northwest College Of Art in Poulsbo Seattle.... then agian that was before I ever knew that my fucking PARENTS wouldn't help me.....

I don't know... but... I am going to go and see if I can't get ahold of my aunt.

...... sad day

PEACE

Mrr ..... poo =[ DOG

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 22:32:01 GMT

Well I WAS supposed to be in an apartment by now with Tyler but shit hasn't gone the greatest with money lately so POO =[

I got drunk the other night... it was fun... but then the next day I had a fucking stomach ache like ALLLL DAY... not a head ache, not a body ache... .not any of that.... just a mother fucking TUMMY ACHE! >_<

I hung out with my friend Erik yesterday. It was fun and he took me out to eat.... even though I wasn't hungry..... but thats ok... I still had fun and I was happy.

I am getting a dog soon.... I can't wait =] I'm getting a small dog so that my cat will have a friend.... she's lonley and ANNOYING! but then again what Siamese cat doesn't get ANNOYING! p.s. I don't think I spelled that right OH WELL!

ANYWAYS! We haven't had the internet for like EVER because JJ has been to fucking lazy to call Charter and get it fixed and then Kyle called today and got it fixed and it took like 2 FREAKING MINUTES! Tylers friend Robert tried telling him to call like 4 days ago but JJ was like "no, its going to take like an HOUR to get it fixed" and Robert was trying to tell him that it may or may not and he wouldn't know unless he called... so JJ calls and was on hold for like 2 minutes before he just hung up... Kyle today was on the phone for a total of 3 minutes while he was on hold before a got to talk to someone so JJ is just a FAG!

Well I am going to go cause I have ran out of things to say..... PEACE HOMMIES

People

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 02:50:45 GMT

I'm tired of speeking out and not being herd.... and then when people want something or had something told to them that you said and they come to you... you just want to fucking SHOUT! I'm tired of men... there all the same... they all start out different but then in the end there all the same. I just want to curl up and cry because of annoyence and not being herd. I'm done with him... them... ALL!

I came home today and my kitty was LOOOOOOVEY! HEHE she's so cute. She was just jumpin ALL OVER ME! she was given me kisses and rubes and she was just making me all sorts of happy.... I didn't come home in a very good mood so it was nice to have her here with me. She's been up in my lap and on my computer and now she's laying in my bag of cloths HAHA she does that alot with mine and Kyles cloths... she likes to lay in his hamper and in my bags with my cloths.

Well I have to go and get ready soon for going with Kyle to his friends house... we're going to drink alittle... I think that I want to get drunk now after the small yet almost BIG confintation with Tyler..... he's been ANNOYING THE SHIT OUT OF ME latley... I guess its cause he's starting to act a little like Kyle.... says he's going to take care of things and it just seems like he doesn't take care of those things... he says he does but I never see ANY progress from him "taking care of things" so I'm starting to not trust him and he gets madd at me but I don't care because if I were to see at least a LITTLE progress out of him "taking care of things" then maybe I could trust him more with everything... I hate it with me cause if someone breaks my trust with ONE thing then the trust with EVERYTHING just going down the shitter and people just can't seem to understand that......

well I need to get ready for Kyle to take me to get drunk or buzzed or just to hang.... so

PEACE HOMMIES!

My Spattered Heart

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 06:19:02 GMT

So I didn't do the painting that I wanted to do the other day... I did it TODAY and it is called My Spattered Heart. It looks pretty fucking cool =]

I invited Tyler over to paint on a canvas as well.... he's never painted before or even thought of painting... so it was a new kind if feeling for him... I hope he enjoyed it =]

I'm not quit through with mine yet because the paint on the background is just a little bit to thick to add what I need to add... it'll smear everywhere if I add what I want to add. When I get it finished I will post it on Deviantart art and then I'll put the link on here for anyone who wants to see it =]

Well I just ate some pizza and I want to brush my teeth so

PEACE MOTHER FUCKERS! =]

p.s. I am going to write on the back or front of the painting....

And you spat your colorful yet harsh words acrossed my heart.

Today I think......

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 05:00:37 GMT

Today I tihnk I want to paint... so I think I might paint...

:shrugs:

words:

And today was the day she would say "yes."

The Easel

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 01:52:17 GMT

So my mom got me an easel but its not NEW its USED! =[ poo.... but I guess theres like this odd history behind it or something. She got it at an antique shop in wanatchee and the owners of the shop had baught it at some mansion that was selling all the things inside from like LONG ago. I guess this easel belonged to the owner and he had an unfinished painting on it when they baught it. BUT the owner of the antique shops partner had taken the painting off the easel and sold it to someone like a few months ago so I didn't get the painting plus the easel... I just got the ancient easel.

So when my mom told me that she had baught some ancient easel at some ancient antique shop I wasn't all that happy because I wanted a new one that I knew would be good..... but I'm just glad that I got one... and with such a weird past. She says she still wants to get me a new one but when she had herd about this one then she had to buy it. haha

Well yeah... I think I am going to go and find something SWEET to eat..... I have been CRAVING SUGAR for like a week now and we haven't had any.. but me and Kyle went shopping the other day so there has to be SOMETHING.. right?...